THE DEER HUNTERS STRIKE AGAIN!!

Dear Readers,

Today, and once again DH and his friend Bill hit the woods in search of that almighty buck with all those points they're itching to shoot.

The thing is, they leave the house about 5 a.m. and I'm expecting them to be gone all day, after all, their hunting was torn up a day for Thanksgiving. But by golly, they were back home by eleven-thirty. Seems it was too windy to hunt. I guess when the wind's blowing, the deer don't travel, either that, or the mighty hunters bullets get blown off-target!

So, their theory was to let the wind settle and they'd go back to the woods about two-thirty. Again, they left anf again, they're back home hours before dark. Really, I think they just like to drive up and down the highway in orange vests and hats and pretend to hunt. It's a man thing...

Anyway, dh comes in and he's sooo upset. They didn't see a single deer.I'm thinking yeah, I know why, because the deer are too smart to commit vehicular suicide. THEY'RE IN THE WOODS!!!

Now I tell ya, dh is very upset, but not nearly as upset as Bill, who has started threatening to shoot the peanut butter off the trees to punish the deer for not jumping in front of a bullet for him...Of course, he claimed it's just so he can say he got to shoot his gun, but I know peanut butter abuse when I see it....Poor deer, poor trees, poor peanut butter!

Happy Hunting,
Tabs

RETURN OF THE BUMBLING DEER HUNTERS!!

Dear Readers,

OMG!!! After sharing yesterday's deer hunting tales, I couldn't pass up yet another hysterical story to share with you today.

Remember Dear Hubby's hunting buddie? For the sake of privacy, we'll just call him Bill. Well I failed to mention Bill is also our neighbor who lives directly behind us in our little neighborhood. For the last three years, since we bought here and the neighbor did the same, well, these two hunters bonded over the backyard fence.

They've shared family history, holiday dinners, health troubles and personal problems daily for these three years. So now having some understanding of this great friendship, you comprehend just how close they are. It isn't a bit unusual for one of them to hop in their truck, dash to our local Wal-Mart and buy some kind of fishing or hunting gift for the other just for the hell of it.

So, a day or two before deer season opened, Bill brought home the "Bacon." He bought a contraption of sorts that only a male could understand or yearn for, and he generously bought two, so DH would have one.

It's camouflaged,a bit like a very tiny tent, totally enclosed except for a little opening big enough to poke one's head out and shoot at the poor unsuspecting deer.

Inside, it's just big enough for a chair. It rather reminded me of a small outhouse. Since in my opinion these two particular deer hunters are 'full of it' they need these little houses.

After yesterday's fiasco with the water, I think this tale tops it. Once they reached their happy hunting grounds,DH and Bill parted way and set their "portable potties" in the woods some distance apart.

However, before they enshrined themselves inside said out house', they each rubbed doe urine on their clothes. (Yes, folks, one can actually purchase this liquid gold off the hunting department shelves of you-know-where.

Anyhoo, here they are, all set up in their own little hunting place, surrounded by trees painted with peanut butter, and Bill is having a few quiet moments when he hears a noise outside his little home.

Bill pokes his head out the "window" and OMG!! There it is! The biggest buck he's ever seen, the one he's been waiting on for three days, and they're looking eyeball-to-eyeball!!

Now I'm certain both these male animals are very excited, but for two entirely different reasons. You just know with Bill wearing the doe's inviting, "Come and get me" fragrance all over his clothes that the big buck is anticipating a different kind of creature.

Bill is beside himself. Here's his chance to prove his manly prowess as the great white hunter. "The buck! The buck!" Sounds so much more riveting than,"The plane! The plane!"

Bill grabs his gun, sticks it out the "window" and pulls the trigger.

Nothing.Total silence.

The buck stares through the hole at him, (probably snickering) no doubt wondering where his sweet smelling doe ran off to.

Now I ask you, why would a mighty hunter go to all that trouble to set himself up in nice, warm, comfortable surroundings and fail to load his rifle?

Yes, folks, this a true tale of the buck that got away and lives to hunt for his "lady love" another day.

And no, so far the peanut butter hasn't done the trick, but now we know the doe urine works just fine. All you gotta do is remember to load your gun!!

Happy Hunting,
Tabs