Monday, November 23, 2009

DEER HUNTERS...YOU GOTTA LOVE 'EM?

Good Morning Readers,

Today's topic is about deer hunters. I have nothing good or bad to say about deer hunters, other than my own personal experiences with Dear Hubby for the last thirty years or so. Personally, I love deer meat, when I can get it, because although DH loves to hunt, he rarely brings in the kill.

Every year, it's the same old sorry thing. Along about the first of Sept., he gets "itchy." Drives me insane, because, one, he only hunts during rifle season and it doesn't start where I live until the first Sat. of the week of Thanksgiving.

All the same, he starts talking about getting his hunting license, his tag, his gun ready, his bullet, because hey, he'll only need one for the kill. His orange hunting vest he'll have to find because God knows he can't remember where he put it from the year before. (Pssst. Damn good thing I hung it up in the closet just like I've done for the last...well by now, you know how many years.

Included in this long list, is getting his other supplies and food gathered. (He's like a bear preparing for winter hibernation and no matter how many times I say, "Hon, we'll take care of that closer to time.") Do ya think he listens? No way!

Along with gathering these yearly supplies, he's changing the oil in and gasing up the 4-wheeler, cause Lord knows these little jewels are sooo quiet, one can sneak right up on the poor unsuspecting deer.

I won't even begin to tell you the number of times he loads up said 4-wheeler and hauls his buns to the woods just so he can look for "Deer Sign." Because you know, where that deer is today, it'll certainly be there tomorrow, same time, same place.

He puts out corn. (Numerous sacks of corn)Waste of time and money. He did this one year and some other hunter took his spot he'd been preparing for weeks. Cracked me up when he came home griping about it.

The latest thing he's putting out to attract that big buck? Peanut butter! On the trees. OMG!!! I can't imagine how many trees he's painted with it. He came home last night from the deer woods telling me how he and his hunting buddie bought four jars of peanut butter and smeared it on the trees.

Again, I'm cracking up and told him all he'd attract with that was ants. But hey, that's okay cause he said the deer would just eat the ants too...

Is it just me or do the males of our species go just a little bit insane every year about this time? I see hundreds of campers, men in orange and all they're doing is driving up and down the highway a dozen damn times and I'm thinking, Aren't the deer in the woods?

I can think of better places I'd rather be at four a.m. than out in the cold, stealing through the woods, possibly getting mistaken for a deer and shot for my trouble.

This morning, however, topped it off for me...DH was getting ready to leave and in his hurry to dash out the front door, poured a glass of icewater on my keyboard.

Now there's nothing that sparks my temper any quicker than for anyone to stumble around in the dark at said four a.m. when I'm trying to sleep, and dumps water on my computer board.

Knowing how anal I am about my precious computer when I ask him what he's doing (Because I keep hearing this odd sound of him cleaning) he tells me he knocked over some quarters I have stacked on my desk. But this odd cleaning sound goes on and on and it's not like I have a big stack of quarters there.

Suspicion flares."What are you doing?" I ask.
"Oh, I spilled a little bit of water on your computer."

Let me tell you, my eyes popped open and out of bed I rolled because I know his little bit and my little bit are two entirely different numbers. It turns out to be the flippin' glass full of water. Big glass.

By now, I'm wide-awake. He's apologetic. I'm ticked. I have no clue what damage it will do to my computer, but right at the moment, my "V" keeps sticking and some of the keys seem to be getting harder to press down...

However, basically I'm a pacifist. I won't mistake him for a deer in my bedroom and plug DH with his single bullet.I'm nice. I tell him to go on hunting, but underneath it all, he KNOWS there won't be any supper cooked and waiting on him when he returns home later today.

Gee, I hope his hunting buddie doesn't fall asleep in the deer woods today the way he did yesterday and miss that big buck snacking on peanut butter!

Happy Hunting,
Tabs

10 comments:

Ginger Simpson said...

Tab,
Get out the hair dryer and give your keyboard a blowjob! It works, honest.

Love the post. Men, you either gotta love em or kill em and one is against the law.

My husband doesn't hunt, but his brother does, big time. What bugs me most is going to his house and having fifty deer heads hanging on his walls and the pitiful eyes staring down at me like I did something wrong. I'm glad he isn't married or if his wife died, he'd probably have her stuffed and mounted, too. Didn't Roy Rogers do that with Trigger. Blehhhhh!

Maggie Dove said...

Husbands...sometimes you want to shoot them...but he's a deer...I meant dear! lol!

Trent Kinsey said...

Tabs,
That is hilarious lol. Except for the keyboard…that sucks but will not damage the computer. In most cases you can unplug it and let it air dry and all will be well.

Thanks for sharing that story…I don’t hunt but had friends of the family who did and we would help butcher when they came back from the hunt…We butchered they hunted and we all shared the meat :D

Take care,
Trent

Tabitha Shay said...

Hey Ginger,
I thought of using a blowdryer, only I don't own one...I know what you mean about the trophy heads, my son-in-law has them on his den walls....pitiful things...but mounts everything, bobcats, coyotes, raccoons....an avid hunter is he...thanks for dropping by....Tabs

Tabitha Shay said...

lol, Yes Maggie,
No matter what, we love the "deers"...I meant "dears"...*Hugs*....Tabs

Tabitha Shay said...

Hi Trent,
For some reason I knew you'd get a kick outta this tale...Yes, I know what you mean about sharing...hubby's entire family hunts...the kills are butchered and shared by everyone...interesting thing tho, a hunter was discovered yesterday with a hundred and fifty deer hanging in his barn...he was arrested on the spot and should have been...Tabs

Amy Gallow said...

In Australia, all the deer are introduced species and (except for the thriving deer-farming industry) are damn nuisances. The worst is the Sambar deer, a native of neigboring Indonesia, and are quiet fascinating to dry stalk because they have been made extremely wary by contiuous hunting with dog packs.
As a pest, we don't have a deer hunting season, but two friends spent every spare weekend for two years, driving hundreds of miles into out high country to build up the migration pattern of several herds with the avowed intention of "collecting a mountable head".
Both are ex-soldiers with considerable combat experience, so the rest of us saw it as some form of therapy and smiled at their efforts.
The upshot of this tale is that, when the time came, and they'd put themselves in a position where the only thing that stood between them and their "collectable head", was the squeeze of a trigger,neither followed through.
They'd achieved their goal and the thought of lugging carcase and head over six miles of near impassable bushland to where the 4WD was parked didn't appeal.
Neither has hunted since, nor apparently felt the need.

s7anna said...

Hey Connie,
I was crackin' up the entire time I was reading this post! I'm never really been exposed to the whole hunting thing...my Mum wasn't into it...and my biological donor (father...Can you tell I have issues with him? LOL) was more into hunting for contracts and paperwork...so the whole deer hunting thing just goes over my head...but I did enjoy reading all your hubby's creative methods in luring the deer...I wonder if any of them ever worked...

By the way, I listened in on your radio interview yesterday...I had no idea that the Witches of Winslow was a 12 part series...WOW!!! I'm now thinking that I'm going to have to wait to start reading the two that I won...I'm terrible with waiting...I'm hoping to get them all up to end of next year...so the first generation's stories...read them all...and then patiently wait for the second generation's story...

Happy Reading
Anna Shah Hoque
s7anna@yahoo.ca

Tabitha Shay said...

Hi Amy,
Nice to hear from the other side of the world. I've found that the older DH gets, the less inclined he is to shoot the derr and bring home dinner. I'm just as thankful he doesn't. It's been awhile since I had to help him dress out the kill. These days, I'd just assume pass and go buy a hunk of roast....lol....Thanks for commenting and sharing your story from Oz...Tabs

Tabitha Shay said...

Hey Anna,
Ooh girl, thanks for listening to the blog talk show...it started out such a mess because I'd been given the wrong time, so by the time I tried to email everyone and fix the error, I was a nervous wreck...lol...Glad you enjoyed DH's deer tale. I've got a zillion of them. He's a hoot, does some of the damndest things. But I'll tell you, so far, the peanut butter trick hasn't worked. I highly doubt he'd shoot the big buck if he saw one. I think he just likes to be one with nature anymore and at least it gives me some quiet time to write or else he'd be spilling his glass of water on me...Ha Ha...Yes, the witch series is 12 books,SO FAR!!! God knows I hope the series stops there. Right now I'm working on book six for it and book four of the Montana Men series. I'm working on a paranormal historical series as well as a Sci/Fi series and a Civil War single. And, I have an agent interested in another paranormal series I'm planning. So I may never see the light of day again....Hugs....Tabs