Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Dear Readers,

OMG!!! After sharing yesterday's deer hunting tales, I couldn't pass up yet another hysterical story to share with you today.

Remember Dear Hubby's hunting buddie? For the sake of privacy, we'll just call him Bill. Well I failed to mention Bill is also our neighbor who lives directly behind us in our little neighborhood. For the last three years, since we bought here and the neighbor did the same, well, these two hunters bonded over the backyard fence.

They've shared family history, holiday dinners, health troubles and personal problems daily for these three years. So now having some understanding of this great friendship, you comprehend just how close they are. It isn't a bit unusual for one of them to hop in their truck, dash to our local Wal-Mart and buy some kind of fishing or hunting gift for the other just for the hell of it.

So, a day or two before deer season opened, Bill brought home the "Bacon." He bought a contraption of sorts that only a male could understand or yearn for, and he generously bought two, so DH would have one.

It's camouflaged,a bit like a very tiny tent, totally enclosed except for a little opening big enough to poke one's head out and shoot at the poor unsuspecting deer.

Inside, it's just big enough for a chair. It rather reminded me of a small outhouse. Since in my opinion these two particular deer hunters are 'full of it' they need these little houses.

After yesterday's fiasco with the water, I think this tale tops it. Once they reached their happy hunting grounds,DH and Bill parted way and set their "portable potties" in the woods some distance apart.

However, before they enshrined themselves inside said out house', they each rubbed doe urine on their clothes. (Yes, folks, one can actually purchase this liquid gold off the hunting department shelves of you-know-where.

Anyhoo, here they are, all set up in their own little hunting place, surrounded by trees painted with peanut butter, and Bill is having a few quiet moments when he hears a noise outside his little home.

Bill pokes his head out the "window" and OMG!! There it is! The biggest buck he's ever seen, the one he's been waiting on for three days, and they're looking eyeball-to-eyeball!!

Now I'm certain both these male animals are very excited, but for two entirely different reasons. You just know with Bill wearing the doe's inviting, "Come and get me" fragrance all over his clothes that the big buck is anticipating a different kind of creature.

Bill is beside himself. Here's his chance to prove his manly prowess as the great white hunter. "The buck! The buck!" Sounds so much more riveting than,"The plane! The plane!"

Bill grabs his gun, sticks it out the "window" and pulls the trigger.

Nothing.Total silence.

The buck stares through the hole at him, (probably snickering) no doubt wondering where his sweet smelling doe ran off to.

Now I ask you, why would a mighty hunter go to all that trouble to set himself up in nice, warm, comfortable surroundings and fail to load his rifle?

Yes, folks, this a true tale of the buck that got away and lives to hunt for his "lady love" another day.

And no, so far the peanut butter hasn't done the trick, but now we know the doe urine works just fine. All you gotta do is remember to load your gun!!

Happy Hunting,


s7anna said...

Oh my god! This keeps getting better & better! I don't know whether to laugh or to cry for them...They just seem soo determined but always sabotage themselves in one way or another...

Oh, and the image of them completely cologned up in deer liquid gold...inside a cramped little tent...I'm not likely to forget that for a good long while. The poor buck...there he was all set for a booty call and look what he ended up with...two men and a unloaded rifle...So much for getting some action LOL

Tabitha Shay said...

lol...Thanks Anna for your comments...your words are priceless...are you an author? If not, you should be....and yes, I just have to wonder what was going on inside that poor buck's head besides you know what.....Tabs

s7anna said...

Oh Connie,
You flatter me...I am but a humble reader...but I take your compliment to heart. Thank you.

Maggie Dove said...

Lol! All they needed was Dick Cheney on that hunting trip to make them feel better. Dick would have loved to trade places...and not have a loaded rifle when he shot his hunting companion by mistake!

Tabitha Shay said...

Hey Maggie,
OMG!!! You're so right...Poor Cheney...he'll probably never get over that....Tabs

Tabitha Shay said...

Hey Anna,
I mean it though...you have a way with words....Tabs

Trent Kinsey said...

Rule 1. Treat every weapon as if it were loaded...This is the first problem...Remember assumption makes an ass out of you and me!

The other three rules really don't apply to this particular situation and just wouldn't be as funny to point out lol

Tabitha Shay said...

Hey Trent,
You're absolutely right. My dad raised us with thing pounded in our heads. "There's no such thing as an empty gun." He taught us all how to shoot, but his lessons have always stayed with me. Shoot, I'd make a better deer hunter than these two....lol....Tabs